How Perfectionism and Social Anxiety Affect Relationships—and How Therapy Can Help

As a perfectionist, you likely excel at completing tasks, meeting deadlines, and juggling multiple responsibilities. You show up to events, get assignments done on time, and are generally capable and organized. Yet when it comes to socializing, you may notice it’s harder to connect with others, or you might avoid social interactions altogether. Why does this happen?

   Often, the answer lies in the way perfectionists think and feel about themselves. Negative core beliefs—like “I’m not good enough” or “I’m unworthy” can quietly shape how you approach relationships. The good news? Understanding these patterns, and learning how to navigate them, can make social interactions less stressful and more rewarding. Therapy can be a powerful tool in this process, helping you break free from self-critical loops and build confidence in your social life.

Why Socializing Can Be Hard for Perfectionists

1. Negative self-beliefs affect how you show up
   When you carry self-critical beliefs such as the ones mentioned above, it can, undoubtedly, influence how you interact with others. You may worry that if people see the “real you,” that may impact how they view you. This fear can make social situations feel stressful, leading you to, ultimately, avoid or minimize interactions all together.

2. Anxiety around mistakes and judgment
   Perfectionists often fear making mistakes or saying the “wrong” thing. This can show up in school or at work, but it can also show up in social interactions as well. Casual conversations, as a result, can feel like high-stakes performances in a sense. The pressure to be flawless—such as never offending or disappointing anyone—can heighten anxiety and make it harder to be present or authentic in social situations, or even to show up at all.

3. Prioritizing achievements over relationships
   Many perfectionists grow up learning that success, such as academic, professional, or personal, is the most important measure of worth. Social interactions and friendships may have taken a backseat. If there hasn’t been much modeling or emphasis on developing social relationships and meaningful connections, it’s no surprise that connecting with others can feel secondary or even uncomfortable.

Steps You Can Take Now

1. Challenge negative self-beliefs
    Notice thoughts like “I’m a burden” or “I’m not worthy.” Ask yourself: Are these beliefs really true? Look for evidence that contradicts them. In therapy, techniques like CBT can make this process structured and effective, helping you gradually adopt a more balanced, compassionate perspective about yourself, one based in reality.

2. Reassess priorities and values
    Ask yourself whether the emphasis you place on work, school, or achievements truly reflects your values, or if it’s influenced by social messages from your upbringing. Therapists can guide you through exercises to clarify your values, helping you balance achievements with meaningful relationships.

3. Recognize your inherent worth
    Your value isn’t defined by accomplishments or outcomes. You are inherently worthy regardless of what you do or say. Acknowledging your inherent worth, with or without perfection, can relieve anxiety and allow you to show up more fully in relationships. Therapy often focuses on cultivating self-compassion and internal validation, making social interactions easier and more authentic.

4. Accept Flaws

   This may be difficult to hear as a perfectionist, but being human means being inherently flawed. Perfectionists often strive to be flawless because imperfections feel unsafe or uncomfortable. In reality, every human being has flaws, and once we can accept this, a whole new path opens up—one with less stress, more calm, and greater self-compassion.

5. Embrace Vulnerability

   Similarly, accepting our flaws makes it easier to be vulnerable. This means feeling more comfortable saying the “wrong” thing or making a social mistake. When we accept our imperfections, we naturally become more open to showing our true selves to others. Vulnerability is often deeply appreciated—it allows us to connect on a more genuine level. Seeing someone’s “raw” side helps us value them for who they truly are, making social interactions more meaningful, enjoyable, and fun.

Final Thoughts

Perfectionism can make socializing feel complicated, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. By addressing negative self-beliefs, clarifying your priorities, and embracing your inherent worth—especially with the support of therapy—you can build more meaningful, fulfilling social connections.

And remember: you are far from alone. Many perfectionists struggle with these patterns, and social skills are exactly that—skills. They can be learned, practiced, and strengthened over time. Therapy simply offers a guided, supportive space to do that while learning to be kinder to yourself along the way.

How Jessica V Therapy Can Support You

If you’re a high-achieving professional and this resonates, you’re not alone. Many people who excel in their careers also quietly carry stress, self-imposed pressure, or a sense of disconnection from what once felt meaningful. Therapy offers a space to slow down, understand what’s beneath the surface, and reconnect with what genuinely supports your well-being.

Working with a therapist can help you clarify your needs, navigate perfectionism or burnout, and develop a more sustainable relationship with your goals. These conversations often create room for renewed energy, satisfaction, and a deeper sense of alignment in both work and life.

Dr. Vartanyan offers online therapy for high-achieving professionals throughout California. Her approach is collaborative, grounded, and tailored to meet you exactly where you are—right from the comfort of your own space.

Ready to feel more grounded, connected, and aligned in your life?

Reach out today to schedule a complimentary consultation and take the next step toward meaningful change.