Dear Perfectionists, It’s O.K. to Ask for Help
Do you find it difficult to admit you’re struggling and need help? This is one of many traits and challenges of a perfectionist. Perfectionists often struggle asking for help due in part to fear of looking “weak.” We live in a culture that emphasizes being “strong” and hiding emotions. When you’ve been rewarded for moments where you’ve hid your vulnerability and flaws, it becomes even harder to turn to others for help in fear of judgment. Perfectionists often do what they do to avoid negative feedback, criticism, or rejection.
Further, perfectionists also believe that they need to “do it all and know it all.” Thus, when you’re reputation becomes dependent on that, it may be hard to ask others for help in case they might see you differently. Most individuals are concerned about what others think of them. Perfectionists are no different. In fact, perfectionists often prioritize doing what others would like, which may lead to striving for perfection at all times. But the reality is, being human means being flawed. It means having limitations. Once we can accept this, it can be easier to ask for help.
Sometimes perfectionists have a fear of hearing “no.” This may also get in the way of asking for help because it feels vulnerable. Hearing “no” when you’re feeling vulnerable can feel as though it’s a rejection. But it’s important not to think that way. When people say “no” to helping you, make it an effort to de-personalize it. There can be various reasons for their “no” that have nothing to do with you. For example, they may feel as though they don’t know enough to help, they may be busy with other obligations, and so on.
More Things to Consider
First, we are meant to work together with teams. Humans are social creatures. We survive within a tribe. It’s hard to survive without the help of others. Not many can get far without the support of someone else. Second, when we don’t ask others for help, we may be losing out on some great experiences and connections. Some of the greatest connections can exist when there’s vulnerability. Lastly, by connecting with others, we may have a greater chance of success in whatever path we’re on.
Bottom line, asking for help may lead us down a path of personal growth. Asking for help shows strength and self-awareness, and opens us up to new perspectives and solutions. Further, seeking help allows us to learn from others' knowledge and expertise. By asking for help, we give ourselves more of an opportunity to overcome obstacles and reach our fullest potential. Part of this process, however, is to embrace being vulnerable. Remember, the strongest and most successful people got to where they are by connecting with others in some way, and there’s no shame in asking for help.
If this post resonates with you and you are interested in exploring perfectionism and/or to see if we’re a good fit to work together, please reach out via my contact form on my website. I’m also always happy to provide referrals in the communities of Los Angeles and Orange County, California.
Cheers,
Dr. Jessica
