What Drives Perfectionism?
Perfectionists tend to take things seriously or approach things in a serious manner. Many things tend to feel like a matter of life or death. If they “fail” at something (aka don’t meet their standards for themselves), then it very much feels like a death sentence. Perfectionists, therefore, do anything and everything they can to avoid experiencing that feeling.
Perfectionists also walk around with the fear of being “found” out to be an imperfect person. The drive is to then constantly be “good enough” for others. Thus, perfectionists tend to experience a lot of anxious energy and worry around losing others’ respect, attention, admiration, etc. If we were to lose those things, what are we really losing? Connection. Perfectionists do what they do because they believe that’s what they need to be doing to be “good” enough for others, so that others would want to be with them or around them. This fear of potential loneliness and segregation is so painful (and the threat feels very, very real), that we would do anything in our power to never go down that path. This may then lead to a cycle of experiencing symptoms such as obsessive and compulsive behaviors, general anxiety, social anxiety, etc.
The good news is that there is a TON of literature out there including self-help books and workbooks to understand perfectionism better and how to overcome it (when you’re ready to do so). Here are a couple to get you started on your journey to emotionally health living:
Better Than Perfect: 7 Strategies to Crush Your Inner Critic and Create a Life You Love
Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism That Masks Your Depression
Virtual Course: https://www.perfectionismuniversity.com/
You don’t have to live “perfectly” in an imperfect world anymore.
If this post resonates with you and you are interested in exploring perfectionism and/or to see if we’re a good fit to work together, please reach out via my contact form on my website. I’m also always happy to provide referrals in the communities of Los Angeles and Orange County, California.
Warmest wishes,
Dr. Jessica
